I am In Search Of... I've Been Trying To Get Back To The Basics, That Feeling I Had at Birth, So I Talk To God, I Work To Receive Some Dignity and Make That Money, I Lead My Peers To Things Greater Moments, I Write Music That Only Few Will Hear, I Write Letters That Few Will Receive, I Abandon Things I Come Across That Will Not Sport Me A Better Life, I Never Mention My Short Comings For Fear Of Being Short Something, I Live In Dreams At Times, I Dwell On The Processes Of 3D Art, I Draw, I Design, I Am Constantly Learning.
I have been waking up at 4:40 every night for the past week. I don't know what it is that's making me so irritable at this time of night, but I just can't sleep past four o'clock without waking up.
I fought for comfort as I woke this morning, but I found it more easily today since I didn't have to wake up an hour afterward to drive my way to Dominican University and attend a class at eight in the morning. This morning I realized it was Thanksgiving day, and I refused to wake up so early and I refused to stay up thinking about my plans for the day or anything to do with homework or any school matter of sorts. My conscience was clear from any matter of schedule, but I couldn't stop thinking about the clots in my mind that kept me from drifting back into my dreams.
My bed was warm, and my feet were cold, my leg was halfway out of the blanket, and held one pillow between my legs and one was shared by my arms and head; I don't understand why I could not sleep when everything was perfect. I could have been on a cloud, and not fallen asleep. Still, I held onto the pillow that forced me to close my eyes when I lay face down. Nothing.
Maybe I couldn't sleep because of my dreams.
Last night, in dreams, I attempted to live a life that did not weigh me down.
In my dreams, I was full of something better than loving myself for who I am because at times, I rush my own love. Last night, she touched my mouth and jawline with her fingers and told me to hold myself higher than those around me while giving myself up so that they can live better lives, she talked face to face with the heart I hold inside. She told me to love my enemies, and break them down at the same time, she told me to begin what I have always attempted but never got to. She attacked me, but underneath her reason, she was only thinking of me and how I should feel those convictions she charged me with. It was a harder place to live, but it still contained "moments of innocence and mystery."
There was a stage and a drunk man in my dreams, a hot dame that needed rescuing, a high speed car chase and a conquest for technology. I shot someone. Several times. I flew across a desert. I saw my organs and tickled my fancy.
Man, I can't wait to have another dream, cuz It's like dieing and getting up when you've gotten your rest.
Here Is The Root of All My Nightmares... A Machine Nevertheless